Put a Spider in the Freezer so it Cant Come Back.

My dearest Alnoncetta,
     I lost your letter and must start anew! I could never have enough words to convey the stories I have for you. My horrid little buggy broke down the day of yester and I have upgraded to a rocket ship. Have you heard of such things? A strange little green fellow gave it to me. He was most impolite, I shudder as a write this, he kept fluffing with every word he let loose from his disturbingly large mouth. Being the proper young lady that I am, my poise stayed intact and I smiled oh so sweetly. The stars above could not have matched the twinkling mirth trying to bubble out of my eyes. I so wanted to laugh! Needless to say, I am ever so glad I did not allow the noise to spring forth, lest I had offended my benefactor. I do adore my spaceship. If it breaks down on my way to Oregantha, I will grab my suitcase and skip the rest of the way there. Moscovia has proved cold and very inhospitable  Were that Jimina was here, she would be reveling in the bite of the bitter winter air. I, alas, do not.
    But my darling sister do not worry of me! Oh let me tell you of the things to come! Sit down I say and read this letter with joy in your heart. I am to be reunited with our darling parents! Our two youngest siblings remain at home and they can not with hold their squeal of utter delight when they heard of my visitation. I plan on staying for a long period of time. Another castle I shall build! Ambrana has come so far in her princess schooling that I am delighted to report she will be joining me. I promised Jimina a much smaller closet to reside in and she too is pondering the idea of living next to the misty ocean! I will be in good company amongst kin and friends alike. I leave before the next moon. You can hardly guess my excitement!
     Now I have heard a most disturbing rumor of you. One of my spies whispered the most discomfiting thing in my ear as I sat on my throne today. I was about to dole out punishment to a disobedient serf when the words stopped me short. Did the spy speak the truth? Have you truly gone native?! I wont disclose who saw the horrifying scene of you screaming and charging down a poor hapless seal with a gigantic spear. Upon my word, I forgot who I was even punishing when I learned the news! No doubt you ran down the poor baby creature in a skirt. This is such ghastly behavior and yet I yearn to know more. Tell me of you exploits and then go sit on an ice flow and think of what you have done!
     I must go sit near the fire and warm the icicles that I so desire to call fingers some time soon!

May the icy waters slow you down.
You sister
Queen Chaltreste the Very First
     

They don't come in Pink

Dear Chaltreste

This is considered Alaskette's shoe.

Here in Alaskette it is the only shoe one needs. All i have to say is it doesn't come in pink.

The squirrels are fighting again.

Dearest Alnoncetta,
     As ever, it has been so long! It is cold and chilly as I ride in my carriage, to the collegiate and write you this note. I can hear the little tree rats chattering over buried acorns. They sound so angry in the early rays of dawn peaking over the dew covered hillside.
     Now, my dear sister, you might want to sit down for the news. The shock is almost overwhelming. Jimina has abandoned her post on my lovely estate! She left a small note (covered in tears of course) telling me of her departure. Here, I shall copy it over to you.

                       
The message goes on, Alononcetta but I am respecting her wishes. I will send a balloon for her in a years time. This place simply can not function without her. I will be sure to be more stingy in the future! Perhaps this is all for the best. I am pleased to announce the purchase of new property in Oregante. It is a temporary lodging but our sister Phoebus is in need of medical attention. You see, her heart has been twitterpated far too many times and she has grown weak. I intend to give her a severe dose of the shock treatment when I arrive in during the twelfth moon. It is good for one to be doused in chilly water early every morning. Poor little Phoebus. 
     Now my dear Alnoncetta, you may be wondering just what I am doing with my previous property. I shall tell you. This young girl, who spends her time scrubbing fabric in a sewing factory, has always desired to be a princess. I discovered Ambrana singing to all the little birdies out in the meadows one day. She was trying to twirl around in this dress that was not much more that potato sacks sewn together. She kept singing the strangest words, "I'm a little princess, hear my sound. This is my long dress and heres how I pout. When I get all steamed up then I shout. Make me a cake and I shall calm down." What a perfect little prodigy I say! So currently she is enrolled in the princess academy and working very hard to balance ten books on her head. I won't be impressed until she reaches fifteen!
     Kat has done such an excellent job in assisting Ambrana's schooling. I fear they will get along far too well in my absence. I found the two of them absolutely covered in chocolate when they came home for the weekend. It was a most appalling set back. Upon my life I would never have joined such a show! I scolded the headmistress most thoroughly and she is keeping a closer eye on them. They have progressed much since then. Everyone needs a little discipline in life!
    When I leave my estate in their care and travel to Oregante, I will be in pursuit of more knowledge. I intend to observe and calculate the way human beings behave. It almost sounds like philanthropy except that I actually go and see what is happening in the world and make changes, instead of eating a bucket of books for breakfast! You will be so proud! By the by, I do love hearing of your escapades to Alaskatan! Do give Jimina my best wishes and a bucket of cabbage. She did love cabbage so.

May the rain plop on your head,
Queen Chaltreste the Very First.

Practical

My Dear Sister Chaltreste,

I only have a few short minutes to write to you before the dreaded hour of midnight, and so this letter shall be a short one. Oh the tales our nurse maid used to tell us to make sure we were home safe in our beds before the clock struck 12. Even tho I am now to old to believe such things, I still shudder at the thought of my splendid coach turning into a pumpkin and my glorious one of a kind gowns turning into the clothing of commoners. Gives me the chills just thinking of it. 

As you know I am now in the land know as Alaskette. It's beauty (on a sunny day) far surpasses anything I have see as of yet on my travels. In the short time I have been here my vocabulary has already been expanded. Here in Alaskette there is a word i have often heard; practical. (It must be a native word, I surely never heard it spoken in Selatten). I have come to believe it is a word only used when people such as I visit, and it is reserved for clothing, shoes, and accessories. Often when the natives here are speaking to me, or referring to my wardrobe, they use another form of the word, unpractical. Dear sister i'm afraid that I have a lot to learn if I am to stay here, but I know it shall be an adventure like non I have ever had before!

Oh yes I also mean to tell you of the delightful welcome i received here. Upon the landing of my private jet I was greeted by a large number of dear people and I was given a gift. Chaltreste the gift was a food so delicious and wonderful, they call them pop tarts. Have you ever heard of these?

Sleep well my dear sister,

Love,

Alnoncetta 

Dearest  Chaltreste
Bonjour! My extensive travels to further my knowledge of the fine country we live in have brought me to the land of Chelanteste (i think perhaps they were trying to please you by naming it after you).
I am told that this is a land of beauty beyond all comprehension. It is said to have a lake, rivers, orchards of all kinds, vineyards, and a quaint little village.

This is a view of the town from the well know Chelanteste Butte (I shall not tell you how they pronounce the word butte, but just know they pronounce it in a way that would make you, dear sister, most delighted)

 I have not see the town looking this appealing since the day of my arrival; due to an unfortunate happening. Upon my arrival the locals decided to welcome me with a delightful festival that ended with a gourmet dinner at sunset, and a beautiful display of fireworks (the fireworks show was obviously run by a bumbling idiot). The festival,and fireworks were lovely. The sunset dinner was a delight. I had a feeling i would like this place, even though it was named to honor you.

Until the following day when we awoke to this...

The foolish fireworks display personal had made a mistake and now there are fires all around. I have never been more grateful for all the training we received as children on how to be polite in even the most dire, and worst of circumstances. I must say I have done well declaring that it just smells like a delightful campfire, and how I love to camp so I don't mind at all. The smoke truly has made for some beautiful sunsets. I did of course continue my public appearances for the first two weeks, as should be expected, and have enjoyed some lovely tours. It does help that my golden coach is so pleasant to ride in, and it equipped with a lovely fresh air system so i can just sit inside and wave at the people of the village as i go by. 

 They built this spectacular bridge just for my visit. It is part of a road only open to me so that i don't have to be bothered with traffic, quite generous of them i must say. I did thank them for the kindness.

Now the past few days we have cancelled all activities as they are declaring the need for all (myself included!!!) to wear masks. They expect me, Alnoncetta, to wear this!

I don't know what it's made of but it scratches my delicate skin, and that is unacceptable! So i have ordered a solid white gold, with 100% pure silk lining mask to be made for me, and am now awaiting it's arrival. Apparently it might take a while due to something about gold not really being material that is breathable, but i trust they will work out the problem in no time.

Meanwhile i am enjoying visiting with the lovely people who have so kindly opened their castle to us.

I am scheduled for daily spa treatments, due to the dryness of the air, and those have been very relaxing. Oh yes, also a new wardrobe must be ordered for the next part of my journey as everything smells of smoke. That is a tedious task, but it must be done. My stylists have arrived now and Seignour (the butler here) is about to let them in so I must promptly end this letter by saying, I do look forward to the second half of my time here. The people have been so welcoming and such a joy to spend time with. I think I shall have to return again another time to enjoy the beauty when i can go on a tour from my yacht, and perhaps then you can come with me.

Au rivoir for now.

Horizons are Being Expanded!

Alononcetta!
     It has been ages since I have written to you. I look down at my feet that are dirty from checking the mail in shame. Do forgive me! In order to become a better monarch of my (very large) kingdom, I expanded my horizons in Alaska and now the time has come to learn. In accordance to the ridiculous laws my predecessor set up, I am going to a University in my own land Moscovia. However I will be crumpling that rule up like a flimsy piece of 20lb paper when it comes time for me to get my Masters degree. If I am going to master something, it might as will be the entire globe. Traveling across country on my sleek dark stallion, Frogger, will be the best course for that.
    Four short years I will be abiding in my newest acquisition. Crystal clear windows that start at the ground and stretch toward the skies like a giraffe reaching for a delicate acacia leaves. The kitchen where Jimina cooks all day has a beautiful brick oven. Delightful smells are always wafting through the corridors from it. Then there is the Library! It is the size of a fencing yard! Books everywhere! The staircases in my abode that lead up to it are so shiny they sparkle like vampires! Jimina gets the biggest thrill sliding down the helix they create. Kat is much more reserved and retains composure until I leave the castle. Then she proceeds to drink Caffe and ride the rails like there is no tomorrow to come. Makes her very twitchy. Yes, my dear sister, I have two maids in my possession now. This place has broom closets blossoming out of the stone work left and right! Why not make good use of them?! 
     Method and Madness is what they are teaching me, your treasured sister, in the University of Moscovia. The madness is without the slightest of doubts arithmetic. What utter and complete uselessness! An abacus is this ridiculous piece of equipment that apparently means something to the frail old Abacist teaching us. This is the time I get my beauty sleep. Jimina singing, "How 'bout them cowboys! Boys ain't them somethin!" at the top of her very powerful lungs typically prevents that from happening at the normal hour. Sliding the staircases, eating raw fish and the constant yelling just proves that the girl is never going to fully adapt to civilization. Although mad, she is very entertaining to watch. One wonders what could possibly be going though her mind as she is whooping and chasing wild goats through the mountains of Kendavisk.
     My other Professors prefer to teach more stable subjects. Have you heard of this thing called Anthropology? A man named Indiana Jones invented it. Alas, lectures filled with droopy eyed students are much more boring than Mr. Jones' adventures. My teacher rambles on for hours about monkeys. He swears upon my beautiful Moscovia that we're decedents of monkeys! That is the animal our lovely younger brother carries on his shoulder! Completely absurd.  Our sister Phoebus was also gifted one for her birthday. She named it Ben. Kat, the new maid, she hates to clean up after them so I told Jimina to leave hers out in the forest.
    Oh see how I have rambled on?! It is most appalling. I must learn to organize my thought more. I hope all is well in Selatten! Cousin Ducky is coming to visit during the waning of the moon. I am thrilled to say in the least. Have you done any traveling lately?

Love always,
Queen Chaltrese the Very First
   
 

A note to Chaltreste

Dearest Chaltreste~ I miss you bunches and heeps and scads and more. You need to come see me in Selatten. That is all i have to say! Love your sweet ever so awesome sister, the crown princess, Alnoncetta

Letters from Selatten!

My Dear Sister Chaltreste ~

The weather man is still ignoring my calls and letters about this appalling weather he has been ordering up. Doesn't he know that Alnoncetta wants sunshine and warmth, and what Alnoncetta wants she demands to receive (or wait maybe that is more characteristic of you my dear sister). It matters not. Tomorrow i expect to see the sun or there shall be consequences. For you see tomorrow we have plans to visit the Royal Gardens for a delightful picnic.

The people of Selatten are quite peculiar, and i've had a delightful time photographing some of the curious things i see. Here is a prime example.

When trees die in Selatten we mourn them. We have memorials for them. We apologize for chopping them down. I'm terribly afraid that i may have offended some of those commoners walking around me when i loudly declared "i shall use the wood for a giant bonfire and we shall roast those delightful cloud puffs you all call marsh mellows" I think it was a brilliant idea, really one of my best ones yet but i guess not everyone is as wise as i am.

Well dearest sister I fear i am about to be called to dinner so i shall leave you with just this reminder. Don't forget to take your chocolate pills every night they help you to stay young and healthy. (this i learned at Theo's and it's an important that you to remember)

Love,
Alnoncetta

Do you know the Internets?!

Dearest Allnoncetta,

     It has been over a year since we have written, a tragedy one would say. However I am not one of those ones! For now I have ever so many tales to weave you a picture of. Life did pause for a long while after you left, my adventuresome spirit was (slightly) subdued. Oh we did our typical games; whacking a ball back and forth amidst hoots of laughter as one person punched it, risking everything with our small armies on a colorful board, and of course lots of crafting. Boredom was creeping upon me. What to do, what to do?! 
Then, one dark and dreary day, Jimina moved into town and needed a place to stay. 


     Picture This.
               One bright day in the middle of May, (January didn't rhyme.) I, Chaltreste was feeling especially generositous towards the world. When I received the message the Jimina was in need of a place to stay, I very promptly responded with one of my fastest birds.
        Jimina! I've been in dire need of a cook! How soon can you be here? I have a spacious broom closet available for your habitation.
               Chaltreste
                        P.S. Rent wilt be $500 
Not one person could ever pass up such a great deal. Which means, Jimina showed up the next day. I naturally saddled up my noble steed, and rode off to the landing pad. When Jimina's hot air balloon arrived, she promptly rollered herself up in a rug and tied it to my horse and off we went! You could hear her hoots of laughter as the rug was dragged along, hitting every bump and boulder along the road. She is a weird one....(Alnoncetta, dear, I know you have such troubles picturing things. I thought this would help!)

Jimina quickly settled into her new habitation. The more chores she was given, the more she loved living in Moscovia. Well, her chores weren't exactly tough. I found Jimina to be so amusing that I appointed her Court Jester. Forsooth, it tis a good thing that I was oh so very entertained by Jimina, for I woke up one morning to find that the silly girl had painted little sayings and dictionary explanations all over the castle! "Quaff: To drink deeply." One would assume that Jimina was a drunken sot since she wrote such things! Never fear! Drunkeness is not in her nature. However, she does have a touch of the wild in her. Every now and again, one can catch a glimpse of it in her eye. One day she asked me, hair flying wildly around her face, "Do you know the Internets?!" Nobody had the faintest idea as to what she was talking about. Not even my wise scholars that I keep on hand for when I don't feel like doing the mathmatics! Whenever she gets a little too berserk (Moscovia does that to people.) I drags her out to Kendavisk where our dear relatives, the Scootoons, live....

Alas my dear sister, that is a story for another day. I must be going. Duty calls! Somedays I swear there will never be an end to the things I must fix for my loyal subjects. Nay, I do not mind giving aid. In fact, I quite enjoy forcing my opinions on others! 

Well as one would say, TOODLES!

Queen Chaltreste the very first.

Rickity Tickity Tick!

     Everyday Chaltreste takes the time to ponder at least 10 different things. For she does have the answers to the universe (Answers are not guaranteed to be correct). One morning, Chaltreste was busy mulling these various things over, while cheerfully spending her morning staring out her cottage window. It's quite amazing that she managed to have chipper thoughts in her hovel. It constantly smells rather rank.
     As she quietly tiptoed out of her house, dressed in a shirt that is a deep shade of blue and a gray patterned skirt, Chaltreste hummed a little tune very loudly. Then, burst into song, immune to the fact that the birds had stopped singing, and early morning risers were staring. Who wouldn't be happy, when they are going to go find a new place to live. A castle is a little bit absurd for one girl to live in. On the other end of the spectrum, a filthy hovel is likewise unappealing. So she set out to find, attack and take over a perfect new living space. Armed with nothing but her razor sharp wit, and five other giggling females in her army, Chaltreste strode into "Palouse Properties" with guns a-blazin!
     With the threat of squealing, gun wielding girls, the enemy quickly surrendered and ushered them into the quaintest little complex of cottages all stacked together to form one building. "We'll shall take three of them!" Chaltreste shouted, very loudly. Then, she shot a hole through the ceiling. (To add a little bit of character to the place naturally.)The property "management" managed to run quickly out the door, and throw the keys behind them. Chaltreste let out a yell, clicked her heels, and returned to work. For all of this was accomplished on her lunch break. Quite skillfull of her.
     Anyways, Chaltreste plans to take over the entire town of Moscow, sometime soonish. With the help of a pet dragon.

     To be continued...... :)

The continued part...

Long story short. The brownies were left, ate and spit out by the intended recipients. Alnoncetta and Chaltreste were never caught. Shortly thereafter, the bat mobile broke down and now gets the gas mileage of a very large truck. Huge tragedy. Then, for some unknown reason, their castle started to stink. Not just any kind of smell, it was a terrible stench. They would most assuredly like to place the blame on the cook, who wasn't good at tossing food out. Alas it was not. So, the sisters declared it was time to move on.
     Alnoncetta decided to gallivant off to the place with the big blue sky. Chaltreste did not accompany her. She already knew, that even though the sky is a brilliant shade of blue, the strawberries were quite disgusting. Life to Chaltreste was all about finding that perfect ruby red fruit. Since she had found some around the castle, close to perfection, she decided to stay. Just not in the castle. Chaltreste, proceeded to abandon the smelly countryside, and moved into the loud, but quaint little village nearby. Where she enjoyed various stages of her young life.

Chapter the Fourth.

The Spicy Brownies.

     Gravel flew in every direction and Chaltreste rammed on the gas pedal like someone in a high speed chase. Dear readers, you would be shocked at the apparel the two sisters had on. For you would learn a very well kept secret. Alnoncetta and Chaltreste are ninjas. And they had just played their first prank of the year. It all started two hours previous to the mad car race. 

     Anything cool that ever happens, happens in the darkest hours of the night. The "darkest" hours being roughly 8pm. For cool things always leap their way into the brain of Chaltreste. And poor Chaltreste, who has no censor whatsoever on what spills out of her mouth, let loose a formidably brilliant plan. "Alnoncetta! What do you say we make some brownies and go BOO people?! For it is the time of the Halloween time!"

     Alnoncetta let loose and indignant squak. "Yourrr ideaaah? Dahhlink, I wasss the ooone who proposed so perfect an ideaaah!"

     "So i lied! My bad!" Chaltreste typed. For she likes to look way cooler in these stories than in real life. "Go make the brownies then if your soo cool! Oh, we should decorate them too!" Alnoncetta made a little snarling noise. Apparently the two sisters had already bought frosting cause Alnoncetta had thought up the whole scheme weeks before. "Geeeeezzz, i know i had something cool to add to this terribly wicked idea!" whined Chaltreste. Then she started jumping up and down in the kitchen. "buahahahahaha! I know! I know! Cayenne Pepper! Put pepper in the brownies!" (That is actually what made the idea wicked. (For it is quite nice to leave delicious treats at someones door otherwise.)

     So, the brownies were loaded with half a bag of pepper and put into the oven. And while spicy chocolate may be good to some, this was not. *side note. Chaltreste is cackling evily still, as she types. As soon as the brownies were yanked from the oven, they were quickly shunted to the freezer. When the "special" brownies were sufficiently cooled, the sisters delightedly pulled out the frosting a proceeded to decorate.

     "Chaltreste!" Whined Alnoncetta, "Your cookies look soo cool!" Chaltreste pulled herself out of her happy little decorating world to look at Alnoncettas brownies. She proceeded to feel like she had a very morbid mind-set. For her cookies had creepy monsters with red frosting all over their teeth and one with huge blood-shot eyeball. Altogether very grusome. So Chaltreste made her last halloween brownie with a beautiful flower on it. For Alnoncettas had cute polkadots and other cheerful things all over them. Pleased with their work, they went to change into their special uniforms.

     A quite buzzing noise could be heard from Chaltreste's room. You may wonder what that noise might be. Well, i will give a detailed explanation. If you were standing in the door way to her room you would see Chaltreste stepping into her tiny closet. She then would proceed to push a large hidden button and quickly she would be wisked from sight. Chaltreste had spent every last dime she had ever earned on building a hidden room underneath the castle. Very Batman esque. Then she would walk to the middle of the very open basement to stand on a round oval in the corner. Machines pop out of no where, and in five split seconds, she is dressed as the coolest ninja ever. There is also a button to put her in the coolest pirate costume ever. But that is a very controversial topic, so we wont go there in this chapter.

     Dressed and ready for action the sisters jumped into the batmobile with two plates of browines and decievingly cute signs to go with them. Oh how their enemies would be fooled! As Chaltreste drove, Alnoncetta did the perfect evil laugh for being an evil minion. But even though she is a minion, she doesnt look like a twinkie *in reference to the twinkie minions from Despicable Me. Then they pulled up to the first house to be pranked.

Dundundun!

*The author and co. have plans this evening, so this story is "TO BE CONTINUED"

Chapter 3

$30 Coffee and the Chauffeur Ran Away with the Maid

As the nights get colder, the heater runs longer,

Alnoncetta squeals louder about bills.

Said Chaltreste to the other,
"I think I will get out some sweaters."

   One fine cold morning, Alnoncetta and Chaltreste woke the blaring noise of the dreaded alarm going off. Chaltreste moaned, pulled a pillow over her head and tried to ignore the wailings of Alnoncetta. "You put your alarm in my room?!!! TURN IT OFF!" Chaltreste just sniggered in response. She thought it was definitely her best plan yet to drag Alnoncetta out of bed. As they were getting ready for work, snarls could be heard for miles around.

    Finally, they were ready, and as they were leaving the castle Alnoncetta noticed an unpleasant smell drifting from the kitchen. "Chaltreste mah deaarr sistaaa." she said remembering to use the accent that all crazy dentist workers have. "Do yewww smell that? I do declaaree, the maid is shirking on her duties again!" Chaltreste just shrugged and pushed her sister out the door.

     "Do hurry!" she said, "Poor Fredericke the chauffer is standing in the cold, and you might be late for work!" As the piled into the car, Chaltreste did notice that Fredericke looked overjoyed this morning. Which she thought was slightly odd. For it was so very cold out side that the car door had frozen shut and the frost had made such delightful little patterns all over the window.

     It was exceptionally curious when Fredericke still had that ridiculous expression pasted all over his face as Alnoncetta and Chaltreste sang some popular ballads at the top of their lungs. Usually at this point in time, he was cringing. Alnoncetta was dropped off at her place of work. Aptly name Unbearble Denistry. Chaltreste wondered how people weren’t a little more worried at the pictures on the name tags of teddy bears holding axes instead of toothbrushes. Weirdos.

     After her sister was dropped off, Chaltreste had Fredericke drive her to the quaintest little coffee shop that you ever did see. She planned to spend her entire day off being completely lazy. Fredericke parked the car and Chaltreste went into the coffee shop. As she opened the door and headed to the cozy corner she preferred, she pondered over a few thoughts. "Precisely what do chauffeurs do as they wait in the car?" she muttered aloud. She got her answer a few hours later when she went back to her car.

     Chaltreste stood by her door, waiting for Fredericke to open it. Shivering in the cold air, she yanked the door open herself and sat down in the equally freezing car. "Fredericke! Why is the car not warm?!" she demanded. Her words hung in the air as she realized there was no Fredericke. "Well apparently," she snarled as she got into the drivers seat, "chauffeurs don’t wait at all!" Severely annoyed that she had to drive like some stupid poor commoner, she sped off to pick up Alnoncetta.

     "Why Chaltreste mah deaarrr sistaa!" Exclaimed a horrified Alnoncetta, "Whyyy on eaarth are yewww driving?!" She got a glare in response, for Chaltreste had just noticed the little white paper that was under the windshield wipers. Alnoncetta quickly shut her mouth as Chaltreste peeled away from curb, muttering angrily under her breath.

     "Stupid chauffer disappeared. 25$ ticket. That makes my trip to get coffee $30 stinking dollars! Dumb, dumb Fredericke!" Finally they arrived at home. Chaltreste parked the car and ran into their castle through the kitchen entrance. As she opened the door, her nose was assaulted with a terrible rotten smell. It looked as if dishes hadn’t been done in weeks. "Where is the stupid maid, and the stupid chauffer?!" yelled Chaltreste.

     "I think they eloped..."

     "Why would they do a stupid thing like that?! Love is for pansies!"

     "Well, here is a note proving it..."
     "Bah. Ungrateful wretches." Chaltreste said with a smile forming, "Nose goes! You have to do the dishes!After all, we aren’t going to find free maids ever again. Tragic isn’t it. Have fun cleaning!" Needless to say, dishes weren’t completed till the smell filled the entire house. The two sisters spent three entire weeks cleaning everything the silly love struck maid missed.

 

Moral of the story~

     Chauffeurs and maids are ungrateful and will inevitably elope at first opportunity. Thereby leaving

          you with messes to clean and thirty dollar coffee.

The Chauffeur and maid have eloped

 The rest of us have lost hope.

Them we no longer trust,
So do the dishes we must.



Oh the things that are thought. Chapter 2

     Back to the Basics

     It all began with a skirt.

     Once upon a time, there were two sisters who lived far far away. Far away from each other that is. Millions of miles apart in fact. One sister, Chaltreste, lived in the the very empty country of Montana. Nothing but sky and fields as far as the eye could see. It was extremely beautiful. The other sister, Alnoncetta, lived in Moscow. You may ask if it was the city in Idaho or the city in Russia. The answer is Russia. Idaho is too lame for anyone to live in.

     Chalreste worked a very prestigious location. Staples. To cool for words. But the uniforms were something terrible to behold. Bright red polo shirts are not the most becoming item of clothing a person could wear. So she learned to suffer through the scorn with her mouth shut. As the days swept by, she felt as if her brains were slowly seeping out her ears. Its amazing how tired one can get of saying the phrase, "Have a nice day." Just when she started to believe that nothing could ever be entertaining again, she recieved a phone call from Alnoncetta. She was coming to visit! Chaltreste nearly squealed she was so very delighted. She even managed to wrestle a few days off from the all powerful coporation. The days to her sisters trip simply couldnt arrive soon enough!

     Finally, the crunch of gravel in the driveway could be heard as her sisters chariot pulled in. Tired and exausted, Alnoncetta swept gracefully through the doorway and requested in a loud voice, "Please, mah dearr sista, I need a place to rest mah weary head." Chaltreste showed her a broom closet that she could sleep in and promised that all of her belongings would be taken care of. Very pleased with her sleeping quarters, Alnoncetta fell asleep. (You see, the broom closet was much bigger than her room at home.) Now, to Chaltreste, taking care of Alnoncetta's belongings ment that she was going to try on all of her sisters clothes. For she needed some new outfits something dreadful.

     Chaltreste, upon confirming that her sister was asleep, immediately started digging through the closet Alnoncetta packed. For the first time ever, there was nothing that she wanted to try on. In her desperation for something pretty, Chaltreste slowly dug through the suit case one more time. Just as she was nearing the bottom of the huge pile, she spotted it. Beautiful waves of black fabric. Slowly, inch by tiny inch, she reached a hand tward it and gently pulled out. It was the most perfect black skirt she had ever seen! Her joy was simply unending when she discoverd how well it went with the heinous red sweater that she wore to work. Chaltreste nearly fainted when she discovered that she could actually say she looked cute in work clothes!

     Right on cue, Alnoncetta walked in to the room, took one look at Chaltreste and said "Take it off right now." In a sweet voice that had underlying threats all over it. Poor Chaltreste begged and pleaded with her sister. For she could handle working again if only she had a decent outfit to wear. Sadly all of her requests were brutaly denied. Yet, somehow, life went on. The two sisters had the most fantastic time together. All too soon, Alnoncettas chariot pulled up to take her away. Home to her tiny kitchen and non-existent bedroom.

     Months down the road.....

          "Sister dearest!" Chaltreste cried over the phone, "Might'nt I have that beautiful skirt? Perhaps buy it from you?" To her surprise, Alnoncetted responded with a positive answer. They now mail the skirt back a forth and share the beautiful skirt. In fact, they loved sharing so much, that they figure they might as well be roommates so they could have more fun times together! (They now live in the Idaho Moscow. Coolest place ever since the two crazy sisters now reside there.)

Now the real story begins! aka Adventures of Moscow........

Oh the things we can think. Prolog

*Based on true events. Names have been changed for privacy.

  One dark and loathsome night. You could hear the joints on the legs of spiders freezing as they tried to crawl tward the warm sleeping body. A quiet snicker is carried forth, across the all consuming silence. Her breath froze in the air as Chaltreste crept up behind the form of her sister. Weapon, poised and ready, aimed at Alnoncetta's head. Hoping to silence the swine-like grunting issuing forth from the gaping jaw.
     The shimmering black shadow prepared to shoot. The release of the weapon was swift and sure...and followed with a loud yelp. "Owwwww! Dang it!" shouted Chaltreste. Making Alnoncetta awaken with a start. "I hit myself in the eye with the rubberband that was intended for you!" Cackles of glee could be heard late into the night from Alnoncetta. For it was such a sweet revenge.
     Chaltreste, however, managed to sleep soon there after. She had managed to silence the grunting from Alnoncetta that some would call snoring.

Moral of the story.
   Its easy to sleep once you wake up the snoring people.

P.S. The spider that was creeping across the freezing cold house, will never hurt anyone ever again.
                   It is frozen in a little tupperware full of water in the freezer. :)


*Another side note - The mother of the two girls is not around to check grammar/spelling. Please forgive any
                   incorrectness on the authors part.