A note to Chaltreste

Dearest Chaltreste~ I miss you bunches and heeps and scads and more. You need to come see me in Selatten. That is all i have to say! Love your sweet ever so awesome sister, the crown princess, Alnoncetta

Letters from Selatten!

My Dear Sister Chaltreste ~

The weather man is still ignoring my calls and letters about this appalling weather he has been ordering up. Doesn't he know that Alnoncetta wants sunshine and warmth, and what Alnoncetta wants she demands to receive (or wait maybe that is more characteristic of you my dear sister). It matters not. Tomorrow i expect to see the sun or there shall be consequences. For you see tomorrow we have plans to visit the Royal Gardens for a delightful picnic.

The people of Selatten are quite peculiar, and i've had a delightful time photographing some of the curious things i see. Here is a prime example.

When trees die in Selatten we mourn them. We have memorials for them. We apologize for chopping them down. I'm terribly afraid that i may have offended some of those commoners walking around me when i loudly declared "i shall use the wood for a giant bonfire and we shall roast those delightful cloud puffs you all call marsh mellows" I think it was a brilliant idea, really one of my best ones yet but i guess not everyone is as wise as i am.

Well dearest sister I fear i am about to be called to dinner so i shall leave you with just this reminder. Don't forget to take your chocolate pills every night they help you to stay young and healthy. (this i learned at Theo's and it's an important that you to remember)

Love,
Alnoncetta

Do you know the Internets?!

Dearest Allnoncetta,

     It has been over a year since we have written, a tragedy one would say. However I am not one of those ones! For now I have ever so many tales to weave you a picture of. Life did pause for a long while after you left, my adventuresome spirit was (slightly) subdued. Oh we did our typical games; whacking a ball back and forth amidst hoots of laughter as one person punched it, risking everything with our small armies on a colorful board, and of course lots of crafting. Boredom was creeping upon me. What to do, what to do?! 
Then, one dark and dreary day, Jimina moved into town and needed a place to stay. 


     Picture This.
               One bright day in the middle of May, (January didn't rhyme.) I, Chaltreste was feeling especially generositous towards the world. When I received the message the Jimina was in need of a place to stay, I very promptly responded with one of my fastest birds.
        Jimina! I've been in dire need of a cook! How soon can you be here? I have a spacious broom closet available for your habitation.
               Chaltreste
                        P.S. Rent wilt be $500 
Not one person could ever pass up such a great deal. Which means, Jimina showed up the next day. I naturally saddled up my noble steed, and rode off to the landing pad. When Jimina's hot air balloon arrived, she promptly rollered herself up in a rug and tied it to my horse and off we went! You could hear her hoots of laughter as the rug was dragged along, hitting every bump and boulder along the road. She is a weird one....(Alnoncetta, dear, I know you have such troubles picturing things. I thought this would help!)

Jimina quickly settled into her new habitation. The more chores she was given, the more she loved living in Moscovia. Well, her chores weren't exactly tough. I found Jimina to be so amusing that I appointed her Court Jester. Forsooth, it tis a good thing that I was oh so very entertained by Jimina, for I woke up one morning to find that the silly girl had painted little sayings and dictionary explanations all over the castle! "Quaff: To drink deeply." One would assume that Jimina was a drunken sot since she wrote such things! Never fear! Drunkeness is not in her nature. However, she does have a touch of the wild in her. Every now and again, one can catch a glimpse of it in her eye. One day she asked me, hair flying wildly around her face, "Do you know the Internets?!" Nobody had the faintest idea as to what she was talking about. Not even my wise scholars that I keep on hand for when I don't feel like doing the mathmatics! Whenever she gets a little too berserk (Moscovia does that to people.) I drags her out to Kendavisk where our dear relatives, the Scootoons, live....

Alas my dear sister, that is a story for another day. I must be going. Duty calls! Somedays I swear there will never be an end to the things I must fix for my loyal subjects. Nay, I do not mind giving aid. In fact, I quite enjoy forcing my opinions on others! 

Well as one would say, TOODLES!

Queen Chaltreste the very first.

Rickity Tickity Tick!

     Everyday Chaltreste takes the time to ponder at least 10 different things. For she does have the answers to the universe (Answers are not guaranteed to be correct). One morning, Chaltreste was busy mulling these various things over, while cheerfully spending her morning staring out her cottage window. It's quite amazing that she managed to have chipper thoughts in her hovel. It constantly smells rather rank.
     As she quietly tiptoed out of her house, dressed in a shirt that is a deep shade of blue and a gray patterned skirt, Chaltreste hummed a little tune very loudly. Then, burst into song, immune to the fact that the birds had stopped singing, and early morning risers were staring. Who wouldn't be happy, when they are going to go find a new place to live. A castle is a little bit absurd for one girl to live in. On the other end of the spectrum, a filthy hovel is likewise unappealing. So she set out to find, attack and take over a perfect new living space. Armed with nothing but her razor sharp wit, and five other giggling females in her army, Chaltreste strode into "Palouse Properties" with guns a-blazin!
     With the threat of squealing, gun wielding girls, the enemy quickly surrendered and ushered them into the quaintest little complex of cottages all stacked together to form one building. "We'll shall take three of them!" Chaltreste shouted, very loudly. Then, she shot a hole through the ceiling. (To add a little bit of character to the place naturally.)The property "management" managed to run quickly out the door, and throw the keys behind them. Chaltreste let out a yell, clicked her heels, and returned to work. For all of this was accomplished on her lunch break. Quite skillfull of her.
     Anyways, Chaltreste plans to take over the entire town of Moscow, sometime soonish. With the help of a pet dragon.

     To be continued...... :)

The continued part...

Long story short. The brownies were left, ate and spit out by the intended recipients. Alnoncetta and Chaltreste were never caught. Shortly thereafter, the bat mobile broke down and now gets the gas mileage of a very large truck. Huge tragedy. Then, for some unknown reason, their castle started to stink. Not just any kind of smell, it was a terrible stench. They would most assuredly like to place the blame on the cook, who wasn't good at tossing food out. Alas it was not. So, the sisters declared it was time to move on.
     Alnoncetta decided to gallivant off to the place with the big blue sky. Chaltreste did not accompany her. She already knew, that even though the sky is a brilliant shade of blue, the strawberries were quite disgusting. Life to Chaltreste was all about finding that perfect ruby red fruit. Since she had found some around the castle, close to perfection, she decided to stay. Just not in the castle. Chaltreste, proceeded to abandon the smelly countryside, and moved into the loud, but quaint little village nearby. Where she enjoyed various stages of her young life.

Chapter the Fourth.

The Spicy Brownies.

     Gravel flew in every direction and Chaltreste rammed on the gas pedal like someone in a high speed chase. Dear readers, you would be shocked at the apparel the two sisters had on. For you would learn a very well kept secret. Alnoncetta and Chaltreste are ninjas. And they had just played their first prank of the year. It all started two hours previous to the mad car race. 

     Anything cool that ever happens, happens in the darkest hours of the night. The "darkest" hours being roughly 8pm. For cool things always leap their way into the brain of Chaltreste. And poor Chaltreste, who has no censor whatsoever on what spills out of her mouth, let loose a formidably brilliant plan. "Alnoncetta! What do you say we make some brownies and go BOO people?! For it is the time of the Halloween time!"

     Alnoncetta let loose and indignant squak. "Yourrr ideaaah? Dahhlink, I wasss the ooone who proposed so perfect an ideaaah!"

     "So i lied! My bad!" Chaltreste typed. For she likes to look way cooler in these stories than in real life. "Go make the brownies then if your soo cool! Oh, we should decorate them too!" Alnoncetta made a little snarling noise. Apparently the two sisters had already bought frosting cause Alnoncetta had thought up the whole scheme weeks before. "Geeeeezzz, i know i had something cool to add to this terribly wicked idea!" whined Chaltreste. Then she started jumping up and down in the kitchen. "buahahahahaha! I know! I know! Cayenne Pepper! Put pepper in the brownies!" (That is actually what made the idea wicked. (For it is quite nice to leave delicious treats at someones door otherwise.)

     So, the brownies were loaded with half a bag of pepper and put into the oven. And while spicy chocolate may be good to some, this was not. *side note. Chaltreste is cackling evily still, as she types. As soon as the brownies were yanked from the oven, they were quickly shunted to the freezer. When the "special" brownies were sufficiently cooled, the sisters delightedly pulled out the frosting a proceeded to decorate.

     "Chaltreste!" Whined Alnoncetta, "Your cookies look soo cool!" Chaltreste pulled herself out of her happy little decorating world to look at Alnoncettas brownies. She proceeded to feel like she had a very morbid mind-set. For her cookies had creepy monsters with red frosting all over their teeth and one with huge blood-shot eyeball. Altogether very grusome. So Chaltreste made her last halloween brownie with a beautiful flower on it. For Alnoncettas had cute polkadots and other cheerful things all over them. Pleased with their work, they went to change into their special uniforms.

     A quite buzzing noise could be heard from Chaltreste's room. You may wonder what that noise might be. Well, i will give a detailed explanation. If you were standing in the door way to her room you would see Chaltreste stepping into her tiny closet. She then would proceed to push a large hidden button and quickly she would be wisked from sight. Chaltreste had spent every last dime she had ever earned on building a hidden room underneath the castle. Very Batman esque. Then she would walk to the middle of the very open basement to stand on a round oval in the corner. Machines pop out of no where, and in five split seconds, she is dressed as the coolest ninja ever. There is also a button to put her in the coolest pirate costume ever. But that is a very controversial topic, so we wont go there in this chapter.

     Dressed and ready for action the sisters jumped into the batmobile with two plates of browines and decievingly cute signs to go with them. Oh how their enemies would be fooled! As Chaltreste drove, Alnoncetta did the perfect evil laugh for being an evil minion. But even though she is a minion, she doesnt look like a twinkie *in reference to the twinkie minions from Despicable Me. Then they pulled up to the first house to be pranked.

Dundundun!

*The author and co. have plans this evening, so this story is "TO BE CONTINUED"

Chapter 3

$30 Coffee and the Chauffeur Ran Away with the Maid

As the nights get colder, the heater runs longer,

Alnoncetta squeals louder about bills.

Said Chaltreste to the other,
"I think I will get out some sweaters."

   One fine cold morning, Alnoncetta and Chaltreste woke the blaring noise of the dreaded alarm going off. Chaltreste moaned, pulled a pillow over her head and tried to ignore the wailings of Alnoncetta. "You put your alarm in my room?!!! TURN IT OFF!" Chaltreste just sniggered in response. She thought it was definitely her best plan yet to drag Alnoncetta out of bed. As they were getting ready for work, snarls could be heard for miles around.

    Finally, they were ready, and as they were leaving the castle Alnoncetta noticed an unpleasant smell drifting from the kitchen. "Chaltreste mah deaarr sistaaa." she said remembering to use the accent that all crazy dentist workers have. "Do yewww smell that? I do declaaree, the maid is shirking on her duties again!" Chaltreste just shrugged and pushed her sister out the door.

     "Do hurry!" she said, "Poor Fredericke the chauffer is standing in the cold, and you might be late for work!" As the piled into the car, Chaltreste did notice that Fredericke looked overjoyed this morning. Which she thought was slightly odd. For it was so very cold out side that the car door had frozen shut and the frost had made such delightful little patterns all over the window.

     It was exceptionally curious when Fredericke still had that ridiculous expression pasted all over his face as Alnoncetta and Chaltreste sang some popular ballads at the top of their lungs. Usually at this point in time, he was cringing. Alnoncetta was dropped off at her place of work. Aptly name Unbearble Denistry. Chaltreste wondered how people weren’t a little more worried at the pictures on the name tags of teddy bears holding axes instead of toothbrushes. Weirdos.

     After her sister was dropped off, Chaltreste had Fredericke drive her to the quaintest little coffee shop that you ever did see. She planned to spend her entire day off being completely lazy. Fredericke parked the car and Chaltreste went into the coffee shop. As she opened the door and headed to the cozy corner she preferred, she pondered over a few thoughts. "Precisely what do chauffeurs do as they wait in the car?" she muttered aloud. She got her answer a few hours later when she went back to her car.

     Chaltreste stood by her door, waiting for Fredericke to open it. Shivering in the cold air, she yanked the door open herself and sat down in the equally freezing car. "Fredericke! Why is the car not warm?!" she demanded. Her words hung in the air as she realized there was no Fredericke. "Well apparently," she snarled as she got into the drivers seat, "chauffeurs don’t wait at all!" Severely annoyed that she had to drive like some stupid poor commoner, she sped off to pick up Alnoncetta.

     "Why Chaltreste mah deaarrr sistaa!" Exclaimed a horrified Alnoncetta, "Whyyy on eaarth are yewww driving?!" She got a glare in response, for Chaltreste had just noticed the little white paper that was under the windshield wipers. Alnoncetta quickly shut her mouth as Chaltreste peeled away from curb, muttering angrily under her breath.

     "Stupid chauffer disappeared. 25$ ticket. That makes my trip to get coffee $30 stinking dollars! Dumb, dumb Fredericke!" Finally they arrived at home. Chaltreste parked the car and ran into their castle through the kitchen entrance. As she opened the door, her nose was assaulted with a terrible rotten smell. It looked as if dishes hadn’t been done in weeks. "Where is the stupid maid, and the stupid chauffer?!" yelled Chaltreste.

     "I think they eloped..."

     "Why would they do a stupid thing like that?! Love is for pansies!"

     "Well, here is a note proving it..."
     "Bah. Ungrateful wretches." Chaltreste said with a smile forming, "Nose goes! You have to do the dishes!After all, we aren’t going to find free maids ever again. Tragic isn’t it. Have fun cleaning!" Needless to say, dishes weren’t completed till the smell filled the entire house. The two sisters spent three entire weeks cleaning everything the silly love struck maid missed.

 

Moral of the story~

     Chauffeurs and maids are ungrateful and will inevitably elope at first opportunity. Thereby leaving

          you with messes to clean and thirty dollar coffee.

The Chauffeur and maid have eloped

 The rest of us have lost hope.

Them we no longer trust,
So do the dishes we must.